middle of the night sickness.

2-5 am seems to be your prime. you're nearly the size of a lemon (and we're nearly at 13 weeks together) and here's the deal. the middle of the night is when you like best to remind you of your existence.
it seems like every time i brag that the nausea and sickness is passing, i wake up between 2 and 5 am, sick as a dog. i know i talk to you about this a lot, but it's our first trimester together, and it's been sorta like a dark cloud of nausea and the i-wanna-crawl-in-a-dark-dark-hole feeling. oh, you know that feeling? it's probably pretty dark in there where you are...ha.ha....mom's funny.

but really. looking over the past three months really is like staring into fog and darkness, in which lots of moaning and puking took place. it's blackness with hints of light, like when i heard your heartbeat after i thought you were gone from me. THAT was crazy cool. it sounded like galloping horses. multiple galloping horses. i think you were probably showing off cause it was the first time we heard you, and you were kinda like "DUDES i have been trying to tell you I'M STILL HERE. why else do you think you've had your face in a squatty potty for the last week and a half? Duh doi."

anywho. i'm here in our freezing apartment with yet another i-got-sneezed-on-a-lot-this-week cold. i started coughing in the middle of the night and felt your papa roll over and start rubbing my back. you don't know this yet but back pats and rubs are the epitome of instant-comfort. then the nausea hit like a real bad thunder storm so i think i'm green in the face right now, and super happy it's 3 am and dark in the world. (ie no one can see how lovely i am.)  i discovered i can make toast in our make shift oven. (un-toasted bread freaks me out since you came along. what? you tell me.) so toast, peanut butter, and banana slices again. so grateful those three staples in the world of surviving morning/middle of the night sickness are on the affordable list in China. otherwise i might be stuck eating rice and some kinda fish....and even saying that to you was a mistake. sorry. i'll go back to meditating about dark holes to crawl in, and acceptable foods, like apple slices.

you're kinda puttin' me through hell but they say that might be the sign of a healthy pregnancy, so i guess, keep it up? love you anyways!

night babers.