Early Bird

I've been reading up on the implications of a fast maturing placenta. Most women who have this trouble end up delivering as early as 30 weeks. This morning I read story upon story of successful early births. It seems like even if you came that early, you will be okay. I already know you are strong. I already know you are beautiful. I already know you are SWEET! Chances are you'll just need some extra help when you get here. I'm going back to see our doctor on Thursday, and hopefully then she can give me a better idea of what our plan should be. I've been reading nonstop and I see words like 'steroids' to help mature your lungs, 'pre-term' induction and Cesarian Cesarian Cesarian. What is evident to me is that we may be meeting you in five or six short weeks...!


So much of this pregnancy has been laden with fear and tears and frustration and anxiety. Fear for your health, tears over the thought of losing you, \ frustration over medical care and food options available to me here in China, and anxiety over trying to decide what to do for you and I. But the thought of holding you and kissing you and seeing you kick your little legs put a HUGE smile on my face today, and a LOVELY burst of joy in my heart. So fitting, Eisley Eleanore. Joyful Light.


Initially, thinking you might come too soon had my heart gripped in fear. I thought if you didn't make it, I don't think my heart could take it...Especially now that I have seen you, felt you. I had this moment today where I realized that you don't belong to me. You're in my care temporarily, but you belong to the Lord. Whatever happens, you're in His care. I don't know if it was relinquish, but something did turn over inside me at that thought. You're His, whatever happens. You are loved and known and cared for by Him, whatever the next few weeks bring.


Can't believe the love I have for you. Head over heels. "The Lord will accomplish what concerns you." I hope so deep that I get to meet you, alive and well. Your family is praying, little lady. I can only protect you as far as my body allows. But you my sweet are safe and sound, no matter what tomorrow holds.