movin right along!!

You are kicking and turning up a STORM, and I could NOT be more relieved. You really had me going there with your two day nap. (I'm sure you weren't asleep that whole time. What were you doing?) I've gotten used to feeling you wiggle regularly and I did NOT care for your absence. Lecture lecture finger shake. I even went to the doctor to eavesdrop on your heart beat. They were all hey man, chill out. You don't need to worry so much. Only they said it in Chinese, so through translation it was something like, "Everything alright with baby." And the doctor told me to take my shoes off and I almost cried. (Hello.Evil.Hormones.) I wish I had my own ultrasound shannanigins at home so I could peek in on you any time I wanted or felt worried or wanted to know exactly what is jabbing me in the rib. What will it be like when you get here? I'll work on chilling out, man.

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Wowza. I sure stinking do.

Ps we gotchya a place to live. High five, parents! (Really, it was Jesus. He loves you more than even me. What! We'll talk.)

xo,
thecrazyladyobsessedwithyourkickcounts.

Hello, third trimester.

Well, there was about a week and a half there where I was exercising at the gym again regularly. It didn't take long for restless nights, Dongguan humidity and seven hour days with preschoolers to wear me down. Now my days consist of a long walk waddle home from school, panting at the top of that hill, and finally making it to the apartment where I strip off my sweaty clothes and wrestle myself into the least waist-hindering clothing I own to settle into a deep dark nap coma. Later I will peruse Pinterest, see images of pretty baby nurseries and girls in skinny jeans, get depressed and begin my search for a fruity cereal.

Sigh.

We're going to get your daddy's blood tested this weekend to find out if he is negative like me- there's a sliver of a chance he is, but we'll take it. If he's not, we'll have to go to Hong Kong or Macau or somewhere else out of our pay grade to get some shot called Rhogam. I guess it keeps me from making antibodies against you. We really want to avoid anything anti where it concerns you. We are all pro you around here.

We looked at an apartment last week that I decided I could make work since it seemed to be our only option. Having the entire summer to get it ready was promising, (since I will now be grounded to China til you come. No flying for us after all!) and I was starting to feel a bit optimistic about our living prospects when this move became unavailable to us as well. Along with every.single.good.apartment.we have seen/heard about.

Disheartened. That is the word. We're coming up with another plan, and I spent the weekend crying like seven month pregnant mommies will do, over all this atop feelings of inadequacy and fear of the future and exhaustion from the burden I didn't know I was carrying, and now I feel a bit  better. Still lacking resolution, still lacking a plan, but, better than mascara running down my face and those weeping-hangovers the next two days. I don't know what we are going to do. I don't know what this summer will be for me now. Ha. I don't even have a "but I do know..." to add to that. I really don't know anything! OH. Here is one. I know I will be napping A LOT. ;) And I suppose I know that I will  make this frustrating-for-a-new-family apartment work. It's not SO bad. Its squishy and small, but so are you. Maybe I need to learn GRATITUDE. Maybe I need to learn to train my heart in CONTENTMENT. And maybe I need to keep reminding myself that things won't always be this way.

gettin a watermelon belly

I know that God wants to teach me something. SOMETHING. In all this wonderful chaos. I hope I am learnin whatever it is I'm supposed to be learning.

our first Eisley purchase. You're tiny!

In my belly

I'm feelin like you keep the same schedule as I do. On top of that, you keep he schedule I would love to keep. You sleep all day, wake up for a few snacks, are hyper before bed, then sleep all night. In the morning you wake up wiggly and (I imagine) happy. Then you go back to sleep.

Your video ultrasound let us see you grabbing your lil feetsies. It kills me every time I watch it, and now when I feel you move I picture that is what you are doing, and I basically swoon for you all over again. All bias aside, you're the cutest thing I have EVER seen.

Daddy

Your handsome daddy has been writing your name on his hand. Ain't that sweet?

27 weeks!

How far along? 27 weeks 
Total weight gain: 12 lbs (Been trying to rectify this with inordinate consumption of cheese and peanut butter!)
Maternity clothes? Two sister in laws and a husband's trip to America later and I am well stocked with maternity clothes. I mostly just try to be creative with stretchy skirts and form fitting shirts, because maternity dresses tend to make me look like I am wearing a giant bag. (Blame it on the booty!) 
Stretch marks? no :) 
Sleep: getting better now that I have a maternity pillow! That thing is BRILLIANT.
Best moment this week: Hmmm....When our friends Josh and Jenny offered to buy Eisley a crib. And aquiring our new (to us) i phone! I am excited to be in touch with our family in the states, and taking lots and lots of pictures of our lil honeydew melon!
Miss Anything? Definitely miss sitting or laying without back pain, and I also miss eating without heartburn afterward!!
Movement: several times throughout the day and at night and especially after eating apple slices! :)
Food cravings: Cottage cheese with peaches. But I think I really only want these things because they  are difficult to come by in China. 
Anything making you queasy or sick: not much of that going on anymore. Maybe once or twice a week I have a queasy hour or so, but we've been pretty clear since we made it past the fourth month. PRAISE THE LORD.
Gender: GIRL!!!
Labor Signs: still nope lol
Symptoms: heartburn! And a very painful burning/tingling sensation in my left leg- only because of where Miss Eisley bird is sitting. It's okay. ;) AH and some majorly pinched nerves in my back, which make it awkward to sit or lay at any point for any amount of time. 
Belly Button in or out? innie! 
Wedding rings on or off? on
Happy or Moody most of the time: I really only have two 'moods' outside of happy: super sleepy, and super sensitive. We've had so many conversations the last few months where I have had to stop and say..."I hear myself. I hear the irrational." 
Looking forward to: findin out for sure how early baby bird will be makin her debut. Praying and hoping she can make it past week 31!! 

Burrowing Bird

We need to talk about your penchant for mommy's rib cage. Are you shy or nervous? I regularly feel you burrowing deep into my right side, and I just can't imagine that it's comfortable.

I'm takin you in belly form to the doctor again today. I'm hoping all the cheese I ate this week has fattened you up a bit. (It has certainly fattened ME up. Yikes!) Doctor will check on your placenta (I guess it's your placenta, who else would it belong to?) and maybe give us a better idea about how early you will be coming. I'm nervous, and I also really don't enjoy going to the doctor here. It's kind of a whole to do. I'm usually lectured through translation about not calling ahead. Which is funny to me because--- I don't speak Chinese. How can I call ahead?

It is a good hospital though, from what I can tell so far, so I am going to try to go in with open hands and just TRUST that they're doing everything that needs to be done.

I love you and your big ol noggin. In fact I can feel that sweet noggin rollin against my ribs as we speak. Can you pick a new position?

xo,
Mommy

Early Bird

I've been reading up on the implications of a fast maturing placenta. Most women who have this trouble end up delivering as early as 30 weeks. This morning I read story upon story of successful early births. It seems like even if you came that early, you will be okay. I already know you are strong. I already know you are beautiful. I already know you are SWEET! Chances are you'll just need some extra help when you get here. I'm going back to see our doctor on Thursday, and hopefully then she can give me a better idea of what our plan should be. I've been reading nonstop and I see words like 'steroids' to help mature your lungs, 'pre-term' induction and Cesarian Cesarian Cesarian. What is evident to me is that we may be meeting you in five or six short weeks...!


So much of this pregnancy has been laden with fear and tears and frustration and anxiety. Fear for your health, tears over the thought of losing you, \ frustration over medical care and food options available to me here in China, and anxiety over trying to decide what to do for you and I. But the thought of holding you and kissing you and seeing you kick your little legs put a HUGE smile on my face today, and a LOVELY burst of joy in my heart. So fitting, Eisley Eleanore. Joyful Light.


Initially, thinking you might come too soon had my heart gripped in fear. I thought if you didn't make it, I don't think my heart could take it...Especially now that I have seen you, felt you. I had this moment today where I realized that you don't belong to me. You're in my care temporarily, but you belong to the Lord. Whatever happens, you're in His care. I don't know if it was relinquish, but something did turn over inside me at that thought. You're His, whatever happens. You are loved and known and cared for by Him, whatever the next few weeks bring.


Can't believe the love I have for you. Head over heels. "The Lord will accomplish what concerns you." I hope so deep that I get to meet you, alive and well. Your family is praying, little lady. I can only protect you as far as my body allows. But you my sweet are safe and sound, no matter what tomorrow holds.

25 weeks

WOW kid. With your poofy lips and your button nose, you're a beauty. BREATH. TAKING.

We finally were able to do the 4d ultrasound. Through translation I gathered that everything looks normal- your heart rate, your organs, etc. Except one thing. The placenta that feeds and nourishes you has grown too mature for where we are in the pregnancy. They said you are a little on the small side, and that could be why. It could also mean that you will come too early, because when we get to the end the placenta won't be able to support you, and there is some risk in that.

At first when they said this, I cried. It was something I had feared. They referred me to a specialist, a diabetes doctor who actually speaks English, and she was wonderful. She asked me about my blood sugar and my insulin dosages, and concluded that my diabetes control is good. However at this stage in pregnancy, the hormones that the placenta make cause the mommy's body to resist insulin a bit, which is why my blood sugar has been a bit more difficult to control the past two weeks. She gave me a book to record everything-- when I eat, what my fasting blood sugars are, what they are two hours after I eat, how much insulin I take, etc.We'll be going to her with these results weekly from now on, and she'll keep an eye on how you and that pesky placenta are growing.

There are a lot of risks involved in growing you in my belly. However most of those risks expired after our first trimester together. I am so thankful and relieved to hear that. Also, because mommy has only had this stupid disease for five years, the chances that it will hurt you drop significantly. PHEW! May I just also mention to you how much lighter my shoulders feel after hearing a doctor tell me that everything you and I are experiencing is normal and common? Last week I got to the end of my rope-- you can only treat your body like a machine for so long-- poking and prodding and injecting and correcting-- expecting and needing perfection but rarely achieving it-- before you sort of. just. snap. I spent about 65 % of last week in tears.

We're calling the consulate to demand that after MONTHS of holding our medical supplies, they be released. We've been paying out of pocket weekly for test strips, long acting insulin, and meal time insulin, and it has all but depleted our finances. That's something you won't hear much from me about when you are small, but it is something you should eventually know. We want to give you the whole world, but with these medical demands we've barely been making it. Your daddy told me that his daddy used to go tot work every day at 4:30 in the morning, but first he would kiss him on the head and tell him, "Daddy loves you, and so does Jesus." He never went a day not knowing how much he was loved. He says that no matter how much we have, we'll give you a life like that. You're gunna be loved, every day.

We also are trying to figure out where oh where we will live. We need to move but our lease isn't up til November. An awkward time because that is just two short months after you're due to arrive. Also, most apartments are gone by then. Prayin' for grace and help. There is so much to think about.

Seeing your healthy baby girl face and your sweet little hands and your (long!) active legs soothed some ache in my heart. It's nice to know after all these weeks that while we are still at a higher risk than other mommies and babies, we at least are not in the leakiest boat in the most violent storm. Things might actually be just fine. Now to figure out if we can fly or not. Just four more weeks of the school year, five weeks of summer and a couple weeks back home. And you'll be here.